Where is the Edge?
by TsukiNamida
Summary: Oh Ha Ni was not always the way she was. She was changed into the person she is now, someone who used her personality and stupidity as a shield. Is she truly the person she portrays? Well, when you lie enough it becomes the only thing you know. What does the attack scene unleash? A deeper look into Oh Ha Ni. Warning: implied abuse
1. Frozen

Oh Ha Ni sighed, she had been lost in her mind again and because of that she hadn't realized how much time had passed. She looked down at her test and bit her lip, staring at it like it would jump up at her and bite her head off. The bell rang and she groaned getting up and turning it in.

"Oh Ha Ni?"

"Yes?"

"You did not answer a single question! How are you supposed to stay in study hall?!"

She shrugged, "I didn't get it, sorry teacher." she smiled, "I promise to do my best next time!" and before she could say another word Ha Ni was out and running away. She saw her friends and did a 360, going in the opposite direction. She wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone just yet, these last few weeks had been completely and utterly painful and embarrassing.

First she had finally summoned all her courage to give the letter to Baek Seung Jo, which later left her nervous thinking he would only ignore her. But no, he had to be cruel and mortify her in front of everyone! D-! Was it her fault she didn't always pay attention to her writing?!

Her heart clenched, she thought he would be different. Sure he was cold and distant but she thought that maybe, just maybe, there was someone in there. Someone who would want, no needed, company. Someone who was lonely despite how popular he was. She felt that the way he was, was nothing more than a product of not having anyone to share anything with.

She had been wrong, he was cold and mean but her heart still yearned for him. What was wrong with her, that she could continue to want to be near such a cold person? Someone who frequently degraded her and made her feel so very low, who could turn the most cheerful person sour. He was the complete opposite of her!

_'Though he did help me get into study hall...'_

Should that one act of kindness negate how he was the rest of the time they were together?

Ah yes, they were living in the same house. Her house...Her poor home had collapsed with her father still in it.

_'Appa...You could have died.'_

She could have lost him, her only family now. What would have happened if he would have died? She shivered as she thought back to-

No!

It didn't happen. He was safe and so was she, she wouldn't be dragged back to that hell.

She made it to where the benches were at, where she would run laps. She needed to get her mind off the what if's and the memories that kept flooding her.

She brought out her sketch book, one of the few things that made her feel connected to her mother. Taking a deep breath, she began to sketch.

She lost herself in it, her hand never wavering.

She sighed in relief and let out her first full fledged smile in days, "done!" she was happy. She had drawn herself and her father inside the shop. She could see her friends there eating, having a good time. She had even drawn Baek Seung Jo and his family there.

She froze when she realized her mother was also in the drawing, off in the corner almost as if she was watching over them.

"Umma...Is that what it would have been like? If you were still alive and I had brothers and sisters? Baek Seung Jo's mother is great! I love her. I'm not trying to replace you, I promise. But sometimes I miss you and I just wish..." she smiled softly, "Just wish you were here. I'm sorry you aren't. Appa and I are happy, we are okay now despite what has happened. I know you are watching over us and I'm sorry if I disappoint you. I know I should actually try in school but I just...can't seem to care." she chuckled, "you were always good at making me get good grades." she couldn't help the small sob that she let out, "you always believed in me, even appa gave up on me on that one." she tried to stop herself from shaking, "everyone thinks I'm an idiot. Maybe I am?" she whispered. "I just don't get everything. Maybe I stopped paying attention for too long and forgot how to learn?"

She closed her eyes, "But you...You wouldn't have given up on me, right umma? So maybe I shouldn't either? Maybe I should start over? Right?" she said looking down at her mothers face, it was exactly like the picture she had tucked away in her room. "Maybe, I can prove them wrong? I just need help. It'll take time and dedication to get there, but I am Noah's Snail!" she felt as if something was being lifted off her shoulders, "But I don't want them to know...They'll only make fun of me or encourage me all the while thinking how I will fail..." she fell back onto the bench, staring up at the darkening sky, "Should I do it? Should I actually try?" she asked no one in particular.

Her answer?

A shooting star.

She smiled, hope renewed. "okay umma, thank you."

With that she stood up, stretching. She made her way to school only to see Baek Seung Jo, "Baek Seung Jo!" she said with a smile.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you left." he stated as he walked on.

"I fell asleep." she lied, "I'll go grab my stuff okay? Wait for me."

"Pff, as if." he said as he continued walking.

She groaned running to switch out her school sketch book for her mothers and hurried to the front of the school only to see him gone. She sighed, biting her lip. She didn't want to walk alone today...

The wind blew and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. She felt alone again.

"Umma..." she called out softly for strength before making the trek home.

* * *

Baek Seung Jo was annoyed. He was trying to study when his mother entered inquiring about that stupid girl...Of course he accidentally let it slip that he had seen her as he was leaving and was now pestering her to go meet her.

"I have to study."

"A lie if I've ever heard one! Seung Jo, please! There have been some shady people around lately... Do it for your mother? Please. You don't want her to get sick with worry do you?" she said dramatically.

He sighed, "Troublesome...Fine." he stood heading out.

He had seen a guy earlier in the day that was suspicious. So reluctantly he went. His stomach growled lightly and saw the store, _'I'll just say that I wanted something. That way she won't know I was looking for her...'_

After grabbing a few things he was out and about, searching for the stupid girl.

"Where is she? She's so troublesome, what a pain." he muttered to himself. Suddenly he heard screaming and he froze, "Oh Ha Ni?!" he yelled out before taking off running.

* * *

Ha Ni stood frozen as the man had taken her notebook! "Give that back!" she said in a panic, rushing to try to grab it.

"Nu Uh! You have to take a peek and maybe something else!" he said with a lecherous grin.

Ha Ni froze at that, her eyes widening. She took a step back, "N-no!"

Her breathing was labored now as the memories were starting to surface, "S-stop!" she said fearfully as she took a step back only to have him follow her.

Her eyes were wild, she needed to escape, to find a way out. But he had her sketchbook! She fought an inner battle, to try to take it away or to just run and leave?

_'I have umma's drawings in there! I can't let him get away with it! Even if it means...'_

When had she started shaking?

He was closer now, close enough that his hand touched her cheek.

**_'Oh Ha Ni, come here.'_**

"NO!"

**_'Be a good girl.'_**

"STOP!"

She shoved him hard, away from her and to the ground. The notebook flew and she went after it, it was a precious possession, one that she could not afford to lose.

She had it in her hands when she was suddenly yanked down hard. A scream erupted from her as she felt the man putting his weight on her, trying to keep her still as his hand went to undo his coat.

"Please no!" she struggled, not able to look ahead, "Not again..." she whispered the last part, tasting the salty tears that were flooding her.

_'Oh God...'_

A dam was broken and the memories were flooding back.

Suddenly his weight was taken off her though her body registered it, her mind had not.

She was lost to the memories.

* * *

Baek Seung Jo came across Oh Ha Ni and a man was pinning her down as she struggled to get free, she was beyond the point of panic and was straight into hysteria. He yanked the creep off her before proceeding to beat the crap out of him.

His rage was justified, that bastard had tried, well, doing that to Ha Ni!

He stopped after a while before turning to Oh Ha Ni, who was curled up, holding a notebook of some kind to her chest, she was rocking back and forth, muttering things he could not comprehend.

"Oh Ha Ni?" he asked surprisingly gently as his hand touched her shoulder.

She jumped, "Please no more!" she whimpered.

He felt his heart clench, that bastard had completely terrified her.

"Oh Ha Ni, it's me. Baek Seung Jo. That man can't hurt you anymore."

"Don't lie."

Baek Seung Jo froze at that, what was going on? While he understood that something like this could be traumatizing, he would have never expected this type of reaction. Unfortunately for all his smarts, he wasn't sure what type of reaction she should have but this? This felt wrong.

"Oh Ha Ni please, umma will worry."

"Umma is dead." she whispered so low he had to strain to hear and even then he wasn't so sure he had heard her correctly.

"Oh Ha Ni! Snap out of it!" he shook her, she was shaking still, "please!"

Something must have gotten through to her because her gaze focused.

* * *

_'Oh God! Please make them go away!'_

These memories that she had long ago hoped to have buried were quickly coming back from the dead. Why? Why was she meant to remember them? How long had she gone without an attack? How hard had she tried to be normal, happy and optimistic? A girl who had not a care in the world...only to have this happen!

She vaguely heard a voice but that wasn't part of the original memories,

_'Baek Seung Jo?'_

She stopped shaking and the world came back.

She looked up and felt her tense muscles slowly start to unwind.

"Can we go home?"

Her first words.

At his nod he helped her stand, not sure how to react. Had it been another time she would have teased him, how she had made the great Baek Seung Jo unable to respond in his usual cool and collected manner.

But unfortunately it wasn't like any other times where he would tease her and say something mean and she would pout at it. Or she would do something stupid which would get a reaction from him, mean boy that he was.

They walked in silence and she focused on erasing those memories, burying them once more along with the new ones until they stood outside the gates to the house.

"Please, don't let anyone know something happened. Act naturally." she chuckled at the surprised and confused look on his face, "What? We can't have them worry. Do you have any idea what this would cause? No, it's best if they don't know."

_'Because then appa would know and he would realize what that would mean...'_

"Look we should tell them-"

"No. It's my decision to make and I say no. Please sunbae." Well wasn't she getting all kinds of reactions off him today?

"...Alright."

She smiled brightly at him, her walls already coming up, she felt herself slip back to the role she had cocooned herself in, the one that was supposed to be blissfully ignorant of the world and its horrors.

But then again when you lie enough that lie starts to become the truth.

She was Oh Ha Ni, the girl who was so much the person she was expected to be that she really wondered, when had the lie become reality?

When had she lost herself?

"Baek Seung Jo, thank you." she said before heading in, leaving a puzzled and contemplating Baek Seung Jo at the door.

* * *

Pardon any errors, first time writing for this fandom and that usually leads to it being all over the place.

I felt Oh Ha Ni could be so much more. Her character is one that unrealistically always sees the good side of bad, who always is out going and positive though she does have her moments where she is in a bit of a depression. I decided to give it a bit more realism because one does not get to that point without something happening and one usually has some thoughts they wish to repress.

Sometimes people play a part and get lost in it, which is the take I was doing with her. Something happened in her past that lead her to be so unwilling to see anything but the good, to the point where normal people find her annoying and stupid. I think it could easily also be a shell, something to protect herself with just as Baek Seung Jo has his coldness.

I wanted to give her more depth and a reason for her being slow and unwilling to study. A reason to hide herself behind her façade.

Perhaps I was looking too much into her character and saw things people would normally not see. Either way, this was the product of such views and thoughts.

Thoughts?


	2. Lost

Ha Ni was drunk, she could feel the effects of the alcohol and she knew it was probably a bad thing to keep sipping it. But for some weird reason, she couldn't seem to stop nor care. It felt almost relieving to feel this way, like she didn't have to worry. She giggled to herself gleefully, unaware of the stares she was receiving from everyone else.

Her mind wandered and she had the urge to draw again though she knew she wouldn't be able to, least not right this instant. She'd have to wait until she was home and locked away in her room, assuming she stayed awake that long.

Her thoughts turned to earlier in the day and her mood soured, her class had lost the final race and it was all her fault. Well, that and Seung Jo. Her eyes narrowed at him, it was his fault! He had caused their loss!

As if feeling her, his gaze turned to her and she looked away, frowning. She refused to look at him… He who had this smug look at the end of the race, who had been picked up like a true champ.

"Hmp, it's not like they won the damn thing. They only won the last round, we got best two out of three."

"Ha Ni?" her father questioned her.

She blinked, had she said that out loud? Whoops.

"So that's why she's being moody, she's still angry about the relay race." There! That smug look, cocky tone.

Her glared increased tenfold, "You cheated!"

"Oh? How so?" he asked and suddenly everything about him infuriated her, how on earth could she ever have liked him?!

"You know what you did! You, you, ugh!"

He sighed at this, "It seems she's so drunk, she's speaking nonsense…Not that this is something new, but still."

She snorts at this, "God, I can't stand you! You think you're so high and mighty just because you get good grades, it's so…so, so infuriating!"

"Now, I'm surprised you even know what that means."

Now she felt like she had been slapped in the face, and she was sure she showed it. The adults were quietly watching this while his brother was snickering away. Her gaze turned to him, giving him a sharp look that rightly shut him up.

"Ha Ni?" she heard her father says, trying to calm her.

"No, do, do you know?" she slurred out, "what he says? He calls us leeches! He's mean and he's cruel, taking every chance to take a jab at me just because I'm not at the same level as he is and because of our misfortune. But it's not like I haven't proven I can do it. I just need to try." She said, trying her best not to slur her words.

"Seung Jo! Is this true?!"

Ha Ni inwardly smiled at that, umma always to the rescue…She froze shutting her eyes, her thoughts shoving away that thought. No! She could not afford to think about her because that was a can of worms she would not open ever, least of all in this state.

She heard Seung Jo speaking.

Then she realized what he was saying and her eyes snapped open, he was trying to embarrass her in front of everyone, something she should be used to by now but this was different. This was in front of her father, in the one place she had also considered home once upon a time.

She started to laugh, grabbing her father's alcohol she downed it all, "You are cruel Seung Jo, because clearly this was in the past. Back before I realized something very…very important."

His silent brow was all the encouragement she needed, "I-I realized how you are not special, in fact you are like **everyone** else at that school." She was slurring more now, "you may-" she paused to burp a bit here, "you may be smarter but you are just as **blind** as they are." Her stomach was hurting now, she felt ill, "You have no **depth**, no **character**. I was mistaken." She felt bile rising but managed to hold it down, "You are no more special than all those shallow people who only see a lie." And with that Ha Ni ran, making it to the restroom just barely as she hurled not only the alcohol but her dinner as well. She continued to hurl until she no longer felt like it, then her head rested against the cool bowl for a minute before standing up and cleaning everything up.

"Ha Ni? Are you alright?!"

…How long had she been pounding at the door?

"I'm fine, just freshening up. Don't worry." She felt woozy still as she made sure she was good, even washing out the taste of vomit. After another minute she stumbled out,

"Oh Ha Ni, you're still drunk."

"I threw up."

"Yes well, you're still affected aren't you? Now, let's go."

She closed her eyes and let her lead her back to the others. She still had them closed when she felt someone carry her on their back.

She didn't know how long time passed before she murmured, "Appa, aren't I too heavy for this?"

She heard a snort, "You're father can't carry you so naturally everyone turned to me. You're such a burden." Her eyes shot open and she fumbled to get away, "Ha Ni stop or I'll drop you!" he warned.

"Put me down! Where is everyone?!"

"Well considering they're all just about drunk as well, they're walking slower so about a block or so behind."

She groaned, "Fine but put me down, I'll get home on my own two feet!"

He complied and the world spun around, "whoa…" she said as he steadied her. After a moment she shook him off and began her own stumble home.

* * *

It was silent at first then he glanced at her, "You know Ha Ni, you've got an issue…How on earth are you supposed to have kids with your condition?"

Ha Ni didn't understand and she knew he could tell by the look on her face. She was confused. Then it hit her and her hand reached out smacking his arm, "Why you!"

He actually laughed a bit at that and Ha Ni huffed as they came across a light. While they waited she turned away from him, arms crossed and came upon a sight of a family eating dinner. It was a father, mother and daughter.

Seung Jo caught her staring and was waving his hand in front of her face. Why did she have that look on her face? "Oh Ha Ni?" he questioned, getting this weird feeling.

"Sometimes not being noticed is a good thing." She said suddenly.

"Huh?"

She continued to stare at that happy family with a yearning and sadness, something he had never seen before. Why was she being this way?

"They look so happy. She looks happy." Her eyes watered a bit though he didn't notice this. He was looking at the family. "It must be nice."

"What must be nice?" he questioned as he felt a sense of déjà vu. It was like she was in some sort of trance and as hard as it was to admit, it scared him. She scared him. He was not used to her being this way, she was supposed to be cheerful, always happy…

"Must be nice to be blissfully happy and…"

Always smiling and not…

"innocent." had she said innocent? He felt his stomach clench, what on earth did she mean?

"Sometimes, it hurts being lost."

She wasn't meant to look so haunted.

* * *

Hi. So first of all, just wanted to say thank you all for the lovely reviews, I'm glad people enjoyed it. Now this was going to be a one shot but eh, plans are meant for improvisation. Second, I apologize for the time it took me to update this. I kept meaning to sit down and write it but the drive just wasn't there, I couldn't get into character no matter what I did (which is why I like one shots xP). But I was finally able to do it though it is a short chapter, a very short chapter. Sorry bout that, I'll make sure the next one is longer. And about the next one, I apologize in advance if it takes long to do, as I mentioned before, I can't just sit down and shove it all out though I am now writing at least a timeline.

Next up on my list, this is clearly AU. Which means we will be having a more smart and mature Ha Ni. Kay? Good. Oh, I do listen to music when I write these; So far the chapter names are songs, both by Within Temptation.

Hope this wasn't disappointing and ya'll like it, reviews would be awesome. :)


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